Our biggest mistake
by uesgirl
Summary: "Time never healed my wounds, it just opened up new ones." Chuck and Blair didn't mean to meet that night... or ever again. Sort of AU.


The wind was cold and had no mercy upon Charles Bass that night. He could see the lights striving for some warmth on the rooftops of this city. The night was dark and lonely, and so was he. He could hear the city noises all around him becoming more silent and then flourishing up again, fading away like an echo. And then he saw her - just a silhouette with her hair waving in the wind. He came closer to her, he had to.

"Blair.. is that you who's sitting here… No, I don't think that could be you, I…I'm just simply lost," Chuck felt like he was losing his mind just allowing the thought of her enter his life, "You see, I was gadding around like I was infatuated. It's dark in here, you know? The people...their thoughts and sins, and still, I was wondering through the crowd like a fool trying to find the way up here. And this enchanting essence… it smells like jasmines or maybe peonies…it's messing with my mind. Can you feel it too?"

"I'm waiting…" Blair was putting a lot of effort in her words.

"I didn't mean to bother you. But everyone could come here looking for an escape, right? " Chuck slowly sat down next to her, "But what are you doing here, Blair? You're so beautiful tonight…"

"I'm just trying to warm myself up…The night is so unpleasant…" Blair didn't even look at him.

"Unpleasant?" Chuck was truly taken aback, "But I'm feeling hot! I would love to stand at the edge of this roof and let the wind have me."

"No, just don't. Not here. Don't…" Blair quickly glanced at him with a blank stare in her eyes.

"Oh God, it's so good that I found you up here. I was genuinely sure that I was lost. I know this place by heart but suddenly I felt like everything was so unfamiliar. I saw the staircase to the roof a long time ago but I just couldn't get through the crowd. It felt like someone didn't want me to succeed. But I did and now we're both here." Chuck laid down on his back, "But it's all just fine now. I'm right here, next to you… If I was the wind just for this night, I would stay by your side and kiss your skin until the sun was upon us. Why the wind? I could be a wild bird… Free but yours truly."

"Don't fall asleep… You can't sleep…" Blair's voice was shaking like she was afraid of something.

"I'm not sleeping, Blair, I just want to feel close to you again," Chuck tried to touch her hand but Blair moved away.

"Get up… get up, Chuck.. You can't stay here! Get up!" Blair was unusually nervous.

"What's wrong? I'm not sleeping." Chuck didn't get her, it felt like he never had, "Tell me; why is this night suddenly different? Could we really get it all back, could we feel it all just one more time?" he turned to face Blair. "Come closer to me…"

"No," that was all she said.

"I'm telling the truth, Blair. I didn't know that you were going to be here, you believe me, right? I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been trying not to think about you since you left me." Chuck's voice was so pure.

"I know," Blair swallowed hard.

"But tonight when I saw you at the bar…What happened? Why am I still so nervous every time I see your face? You smiled at me from far away, and then you walked right past me like I was nobody; just a stranger. We didn't say a single word to each other this whole evening, you didn't want us to meet… you made sure that we wouldn't." Every word that came out of Chuck's lips was filled with hurt that took over his entire body.

"What would we talk about?" Blair laughed sarcastically.

"Oh God, yes… You're right," Chuck shook his head, "There was exquisite food on the tables, luxurious wine, conversations, loud music… It all seemed so out of place tonight. And I was feeling like a little boy all this time, ashamed of my eyes meeting yours… but then you disappeared."

"Yes," Blair was letting Chuck's words slide.

"I thought that maybe you had left. No… of course, not. That wasn't what I was thinking," Chuck swallowed hard and looked down, "That crossed my mind but I knew that you didn't leave. I saw that you didn't want to talk to me; I saw that you were hurting but… I wasn't the one to blame."

"No, you weren't."

"I secretly searched the entire building; I looked in every single room, palpated all those empty beds, you were nowhere to be found." Chuck bit his lip in anger, "And then I went crazy of jealousy. I realized that one of those men must've taken you in his dirty hands; that now you're probably lying in his bed… I was sure that was what had happened," he laughed, "I had no idea that you were here all by yourself."

"But you didn't come alone tonight… I saw her," Blair's eyes got blurry.

"You saw her, and I saw her. Why do things always happen the way we don't want them to? Why is it that I went here thinking that I was doing the right thing; thinking that everything is okay but when I got here I was feeling painfully alone among all these strangers. Couldn't it really be otherwise?"

"It couldn't…" A single tear rolled down Blair's face.

"Did you know that I was going to be here?" Chuck was a little bit confused.

"Why would it matter where I go?" Blair's voice was shaking, "You wouldn't be there; you wouldn't be anywhere I would think of going to. I don't have my own will, there's only…"

"There's only what?"

"Pain…in here," Blair put her hand on her chest.

"I wanted peace, can't you understand that? Piece!" Chuck unconsciously raised his voice, "I wanted a nice house, a family and a successful business…and fame…but you with your sad eyes; you wanted to ruin it all."

"I never wanted to do that, Chuck."

"But that's what you did…" Chuck swallowed hard.

"I… All I ever did was love you." The pain Blair felt in her heart made breathing impossibly challenging for her.

"And that was our biggest mistake, Blair… We loved…"Chuck took Blair's shaking hand in his, "We got dragged into this loathsome world of glamour… That was our destiny, and we can't fight destiny. It never accepted true love; it never accepted us… "


End file.
